Alright, so this is going to be a mostly personal post...

Last year, November 23, 2019 I had my last wedding of the season...
I was 40 weeks pregnant, and honestly trying to hold out as long as possible.

My entire pregnancy was what some call a "wild" or "free" pregnancy. Which frankly, I find sad that we have these off the wall terms for a simply, undisturbed pregnancy.
This included not having frequent check ups or ultrasounds, or any tests or medicines or vitamins. I actually have never taken prenatales with any of my 3 pregnancies.

Needless to say, at 40 weeks I was happy for this to be my last wedding of the season.
It was nice enough to be in my favorite venue as well- Kukua!

Kukua Punta Cana

Of course the wedding party all joked saying things like, "I don't know, you might give birth today!"

Well sure enough, after all day on my feet and no food, contractions started noticeably just after arriving home that night.
I was in the middle of eating my dinner when I had to pause between bites because contractions were so strong.

Honestly it sort of came out of nowhere and caught me off guard, so as they continued I began notifying people that this could be it (mom, baby daddy, my support person).

I remembered with my other births, first with an epidural, second with nothing (except some pitocin the nurse snuck me unknowingly), that they had to tell me I could start pushing. I never really had the sudden urge to push. It was more of like a wanting with my last one, like when you have to poop, but not a particularly urgent need, lol. But the whole hospitalized situation really took me out of the moment and significantly took away from my natural insticts.

So in my bedroom, clothes stripped down from labor hot flashes, I decided on the next contraction to give a push and see what happened. And low and behold had some blood drip.
Then sh*t got real!

I was like, alright well I guess this is it.
Home birth here we go!

So many people, especially here in DR, find homebirth completely radical and unheard of. Which I found suprising considering the campo lifestyles of many local inlanders.
Fun fact though, Dominican Republic has the highest rate of cesarean deliveries in the world.

But with the lax paperwork laws and terrifyingly medicalized birthing customs here, home birth honestly seemed like the safer and more comfortable option any way.
There is really only one or two people I truly trust here in DR, and one of them lost her first baby and would have been too anxious to be there in the moment. So I just had the other young woman there as a just in case emergency situation, checking on me from time to time. But the birth was definitely unnassisted, free and wild as they say.

So pushing started around 11:30 pm and baby was born 1:31 AM in my bathtub-not a water birth, just didn't want a mess to clean up!

I was lucky enough to give birth just before things started really breaking way with the whole virus situation also, thank God.

Although I thought my last birth was pretty quick and easy (my daughter who I placed for adoption-that will be another few blogposts to divulge about!)-
this home birth was a breeze in comparison.

I feel silly to say, but its completely true, that I love birthing babies and it's really not a difficult, long or painful process for me. I think I have a confident headspace enough now for it to come easy and fast for me.
The newborn phase is much more tolling than the birthing!

With these types of events- births, weddings, etc- it seems to me we cannot force the circumstances. The higher powers that be truly have a plan if we can just let go and let God, as they say. Things will work out just as they are supposed to if we wouldn't over stress about them.

{ Photo by Omar Carpio Fotografo }

And I would absolutely reccomend a homebirth if you are considering it.
Was the most powerful and exhilarating experience of my life, and I will never plan another hospital birth again.

I guess I've always kept my work downplayed as a side job to being a mom, since having children.

 I have always been a writer as well, but mostly did that for the joy and art of it. Although taking courses in writing and journalism In college, I never made a career of it.

I went to beauty school under the pretense that, hey, everyone will always need a haircut, so in that sense I will always be able to find work. Which has shown very true, but not as fruitful as I would have hoped, I suppose.

I think for a great portion of our lives we are only capable to do and get as far as what we have been taught by our parents and peers, and I think my odd job and home maker mother never instilled fully the importance of making a career and living for myself, as she still never has done that herself. My business owning (ex)step father, although taught me responsibility, never emphasized the importance of that for myself either. He more bragged about his achievements and gave a lot of hand outs.

During this pandemic situation, as well as being in the midst of having a newborn and a soon to be 10 year old child, and some failed relationships and crappy fathers to go along with it-

Here I am, 34 years old, single mom of 2, now just realizing the importance to a baseline career. 

I always felt I was pretty talented and very hard worker, and gem of a woman for any man to be lucky enough to have. But for some reason I've always got stiffed at jobs and in life in general. People don't particularly like the honest hard worker, I suppose. I'm a very no B.S. type of person. 

So when life gives you shorthandings and a black sheep stigma in your family, its hard to find the confidence to keep going and feel your worth in life. 

So that is the road I have traveled thus far.

I think what has sparked this fire in me to achieve what I always wanted to, is the utter despair of this pandemic situation, as well as my recent completely freebirth/home birth of my last baby.

Luckily he was born just before this crazy coronavirus started, but it has been pretty stressful until recently. 

I know all my fellow wedding vendors are feeling it as well, since this all started just as our high season of work started here in Dominican Republic.

AND ALL THE WEDDINGS WERE CANCELLED.

We have many reschedules for winter, but who really knows whats going to happen.

So here I am, recently having made a real business website, and finally now starting my blog.

I hope you all are staying safe, and mentally stable during all this. 

Know that you are not alone in the feeling of pure despair and depression that it brings at times. 

Lets pick ourselves up, and accomplish the goals that we have always dreamed of, because what other option do we have right now?

And what better time to be motivated!

I look forward to sharing more of my adventures of island campo life, and life in general as a black sheep single child, a mother, birthmom, freebirther, a beautician, wedding vendor, and human in this weird world we live in.

Bless you all, and thanks for reading.